its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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