420 ftw
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
