i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
