with your own penis?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
