Sponge bath it is.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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