I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
