help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
