dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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