I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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