508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
