So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
