Whod you bang
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
