I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
