I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
