I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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