3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
