Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
