I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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