it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
