he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
