Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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