just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
FUCK WHALES
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
