DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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