You work out of a Hotel?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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