1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's like iHOP with fire
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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