You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
