she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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