hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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