All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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