I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
