I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
