I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
