You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
