What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
