i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
