The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
