A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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