Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
