I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
