We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Girls should come with a carfax report
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
