I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
