OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
