Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
