the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
