The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
