it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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