would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
