I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
