Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
