i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
