I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
