that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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